Nafsiya Reflections: A Blessed Home

Have you ever walked into a room and felt off? The frustrated faces of those in the room... bitterness or annoyance. You can hear it in the way they speak to one another. The way they barely look at each other. Snarling, sly comments, the utter bitterness, and sometimes it’s not as obvious, it’s subtle, it’s uncomfortable. Have you then  walked into a different type of space... where you are greeted with enthusiasm, smiles, you can sense the contentment the people in that room feel in sharing one another’s company? You can feel the positivity, SubhanAllah.

Our homes can go through either example; at one time we may feel contentment, comfort, Emaan in our homes, and at another time we may not. We may feel frustration, negative energy, and bitterness. It happens but what helps our homes become a space that gives us energy, joy, or becomes a solid foundation? Is it Barakah that we lack at times? The word “barakah” that we sometimes translate to a more general interpretation being “blessings”, can be defined in more complexity in three ways. One of them being that barakah is a blessing that grows and increases, secondly there is a sense of continuity, and thirdly it is stationary, it is something we expect will stay. It’s why we may ask ourselves if our homes contain such characteristics. We need to help determine the problems we face within our homes; we must acknowledge the reason behind the foundation of the home to begin with. We ask what are the attributes of an Islamic household? What are we lacking?

An Islamic household should be the foundation in which we raise good, active Muslim members of society. It is the foundation of the family when there is Barakah in the home, the foundation of the household becomes what gives us energy, optimism, hope and serenity when facing the world and carrying the dawah. It is the fundamental unit of society, and the actual institution from which active members graduate to assume their social roles as leaders, judges, scholars, teachers, students and the manpower or human resources in the cause of Allah (swt), as well as righteous wives and mothers who provide the necessary nurturing care for the next generation. So, it is the foundation from which we work for Dunya and more importantly build our Akhirah.

[وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّن بُيُوتِكُمْ سَكَنًا]

And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest... [An-Nahl: 80]

Ibn Katheer (ra) said, “Allah, the Exalted underlines the perfection of His Blessings upon His slaves in that He has given them homes to rest therein, shelter themselves and enjoy privacy, and benefit of them in all manners of benefit.”

How can we bring more barakah into our homes? How can we make our homes a haven when facing this Dunya?
First and foremost, we must acknowledge that barakah is only given by Allah (swt), it is not something we can do without Him (swt). No matter how much we play with our kids, laugh with our spouses, declutter, purge and clean, create routines, etc., if our intention is not for Allah (swt), we won’t have Barakah. Barakah can only be given by Allah (swt).

It makes most sense that would be our first step to gain a warm home, mentioning the name of Allah (swt), having a home that is filled with the remembrance of Allah, to say the Azkhar in the morning at night, when we get dressed, look into the mirror, eat, recite the Quran, love for the sake of Allah (swt), gain the pleasure of our parents, treating our spouses as friends, to laugh and play, to share 'Mawada', affection and Rahmah, and play with our children with mercy.

[وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ]

"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." [Ar-Rum:21]

Second point being we must think and act, not lay back and expect things to get better, to change, to just happen. Yes, Allah (swt) created affection and mercy between spouses, but HE (swt) also commanded us to follow his commandments, to follow the Sunnah of Rasool Allah (saw). It is not merely the mentality that we must shift, from a negative to a positive, rather we must physically take action to create such physical change as well; have Tawakul in Allah (swt).

Let us start these actions in the most liked month of Muharram to train ourselves to do these deeds in the most blessed month when the good deeds are liked, and bad deeds are most hated. We must set the intention to gain the pleasure of Allah (swt), to build a strong family unit. We surely must have some structure in the home to pray together, have individual responsibilities within the household, be leading examples for the children in the home, being an obedient and respectful wife, and being an attentive helpful husband. We need to try to reflect a true Islamic relationship following the example of our beloved Prophet (saw). We should give sadaqa (charity), to look into the reason why there may be discomfort in the home, to plan and take intentional action in solving it.

In the end, no matter what we try to change in order to enforce systems in the home or motivate others, it is all in the hands of the most Merciful Allah (swt). The true blessing of a believer is in his heart; in the end our homes are in our hearts with Allah (swt). It is in Allah (swt) that we find comfort. HE (swt) is our true home.

[الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ]
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Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." [Ar-Ra’d: 28]

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