Marriage in Islam

﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً﴾

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy” [Ar-Rum :21]

(Translated)

Man is sociable by nature; that is, he cannot live alone. Allah (swt) has created man with a certain nature (fitra) that requires him to satisfy his organic needs and instincts. This is similar in both men and women. Allah made them live in a single society and made the survival of the human species depends on their meeting and the procreation instinct. The discussion here is about this instinct in human beings and not animals, so that we are elevated by what Allah gave us and distinguished us from the animals and others (creatures). Although this instinct can be satisfied in a wrong or abnormal way, it does not serve the purpose and objective, which is the survival of the human species. Allah (swt) has made procreation the method by which the earth is built and Allah is worshipped alone, and this only happens through one way, the legitimate (Shariah) marriage and by the method depicted by Allah (swt) in His Noble Book.

Islam has taken care of this meeting between men and women and surrounded it by a fence of Shariah rules. Islam encourages marriage and forbids celibacy (Tabatul), (Tabatul means: to leave marriage). Marriage achieves the multiplication of offspring and achieves the domination of man in the land and to boast (by the numbers) among nations on the Day of Resurrection. It is the nature that Allah put in His creation and it is the way of the Prophets and Messengers,

Allah (swt) says; ﴿وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلًا مِنْ قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً وَمَا كَانَ لِرَسُولٍ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ بِآَيَةٍ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ لِكُلِّ أَجَلٍ كِتَابٌ﴾ “And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants. And it was not for a messenger to come with a sign except by permission of Allah. For every term is a decree” [Ar-Ra’ad: 38]

The Prophet (saw) said:«يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ! مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ؛ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ»“O young men, whoever among you is able to, let him get married. Whoever is not able to, he must fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

Among the important factors of the success of the marriage and the building of the family is choosing of the spouse by both men and women. There are several criteria to base the choice of the spouse on. The Prophet (saw) in his noble Hadith said regarding choosing the wife: «تُنْكَحُ المَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ، تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ»“A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).”

On the authority of Abu Huraira (ra) from the Prophet (saw) that he said: «خَيْرُ النِّسَاءِ امْرَأَةٌ إِذَا نَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا سَرَّتْكَ، وَإِذَا أَمَرْتَهَا أَطَاعَتْكَ، وَإِذَا غِبْتَ عَنْهَا حَفِظَتْكَ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِهَا».“The best of women is the one who pleases her husband whenever he looks at her, obeys him whenever he orders her, and when he is absent she protects his property and his honour (herself).”

The male spouse must adhere to the orders of Allah, refraining from His prohibitions; he must not oppress his wife. If he loves her, he will be kind to her, and if he did not love her, he would not oppress her or insult her. The Prophet (saw) said: «إِذَا أَتَاكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ»...“Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.”

Therefore we can see that the Deen is the basis of the choice for both spouses.

Therefore, marriage is a beautiful system that Allah based on affection, mercy, understanding and cooperation. Allah (swt) gave the wife rights and obliged the husband to respect them; the husband can not violate them. Also Allah gave the husband rights and obliged the woman to respect them and fulfill them. And made the bases of the relationship cooperation, love, tranquility, good relationship, and being kind to the other.

As stated in the book The Social System by Sheikh Taqi ud-Din An-Nabhani, may Allah have mercy on him, marriage "is the organization of the male-female relationships i.e., organization of the sexual association between the men and the women by a specific system. This specific system should organize the male-female relationships in a defined manner. Procreation should result according to the system only, and it should ensure the reproduction of the human species and through it, the family will come to exist and on its basis the organization of the private life will proceed."

The relationship between the spouses is that of companionship not a commercial partnership; this is because Allah (swt) made marriage a place of reassurance to the spouses, Allah (swt) says:

﴿هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا﴾

“It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her” [Al A’raf : 189].

Dwelling in security (sakan) is reassurance; it is the origin of the marital life, so that each spouse get reassurance about the other, and this companionship between the spouses is that of bliss and tranquility. Shariah outlined the wife’s rights to the husband and the husband’s the rights to the wife. Allah (swt) says:﴾ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ﴿“And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them” [Al-Baqarah: 228].

Allah (swt) encourages the good companionship between spouses. Allah (swt) says: ﴾ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴿“And live with them in kindness” [An-Nisa’: 19].

This companionship brings peace to the soul and happiness in life. The Prophet (saw) encouraged men to look after the women in his farewell sermon. He (saw) said: «فَاتَّقُوا اللهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ...»“Fear Allah in women” And He (saw) said: «خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكْمْ لِأَهْلِي»“The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

Allah (swt) has made the leadership of the house for the husband and he is in charge of the wife, looking after her and not controlling her. Allah (swt) says: ﴿الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ﴾“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth” [An-Nisa’: 34]

He (saw) encouraged the woman to obey her husband in that which does not angers Allah (swt). He (saw) said: «فَإِنَّهُ جَنَّتُكِ وَنَارُكِ»“(the treatment of the wife to the husband) determines her fate, (she will be) in Heaven or Hellfire”

Allah forgave the woman who obeyed her husband and did not go out of the house to visit her ill father; Allah (swt) forgave her for her obedience to her husband.

This is marriage in Islam; it is applied by the individual motivated by fearing Allah (swt) and the adherence to the Shariah rules. This safeguards the woman as a wife, mother and daughter. Even if the marital life faced problems resorting to separation between the spouses through a divorce, it takes place within the Shariah rules, which secures both their rights and dignity, as well as taking into account the status of children and custody of the mother for them, and spending on them in a manner that does not lead to trouble or problems between them. The family can support the mother to raise the children. But women under secularism have no protection for their or their rights; if it is the husband’s benefit (or that there is no conflict of interest to be with the wife), he will take care of her as a wife, mother and daughter, and if there is no benefit in having the wife, she will be confused not knowing what to do, and her children will be lost and scattered; she will become confused with no support or specific rights.

We spoke earlier about the Islamic marital life and its standards and rules, which we pray to Allah (swt) that Muslim women adhere to. ... Today, however, we live differently; we see that these criteria have changed. In choosing of a wife, for example, a working woman that brings money regardless of her work is better to marry than the woman who is committed to the Shariah rules. The view regarding starting up a family became full of erroneous concepts about marriage and the family. Women today want money, cars and trips, as if marriage is a financial transaction that must bear profit for women. This is the result of living under the secular capitalist system that revolves on benefit, and being distanced from a state that implements the laws of Islam in all areas of life, not only in marriage and family.

The goal of marriage is to build a family and raise children and raise a generation working for making Islam the highest; not a lost generation that only knows Islam by its name, and women do not know their real role as mothers and housewives. Here lies the issue; if the choice of a wife and marriage in general is conducted according to the standards of Islam, we will achieve what we are working for, and if the purpose of marriage is not clear, and the choice of spouse is not according to the right criteria, we will be like the West with disintegration of the family, loss of genealogies and a broken society.

I would like to take this opportunity to send a message to Muslim women everywhere:

O my sister! If you are a wife, know that you are the backbone of the family and therefore of the society, so raise your sons to be men and leaders, and raise your daughters and educate them that in origin the woman’s role is a mother and a housewife, and that she is an honour that must be protected; this is so that they may understand the purpose that is achieved from the correct understanding of this rule. And teach them that this role does not diminish their status or dignity, nor humiliates them nor take them backwards, but on the contrary it will put them in the forefront. Teach your daughters about the marital life and the rules related to it, and how to raise children so that they can build a generation aware of Islam and its concepts...

O Muslim Women! The time has come for us to commit ourselves to the words of our Lord and the words of our Messenger (saw) and to be good wives and mothers who build men and women, and, thus, win this world and the Hereafter, and reject the greedy secularism that cannot protect us with its baseless miserable thoughts, the product of a limited weak human mind. In Allah’s law is our glory, victory and tranquility that we seek, and building a family with a solid foundation; a rope from Allah (swt).

Written to the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by
Maria Al-Qibtiyah